I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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