If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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