Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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