can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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