Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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