is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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