he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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