i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
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At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
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fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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