I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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