Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize