He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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