i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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