just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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