we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
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I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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