I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
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This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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I'm sobbing to NWA
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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