Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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