you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize