Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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