What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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