this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there's paper in my vomit.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize