so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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