I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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