We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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