found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize