i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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