she woke up with a sticky ear
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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