I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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