Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize