Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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