can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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