it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
please don't ironically join a cult
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