she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
either way he was missing a nipple.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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