we have officially lost it.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
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Swine flu is the new snow day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize