I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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