just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize