literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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