i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize