i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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