You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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And then my night got REAL pukey
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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