so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize