She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize