She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize