just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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