Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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