just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
they need to just BURY HIM!
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I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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