it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize