i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
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sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize