The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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