"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
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I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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