I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I am morally bankrupt
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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